Last night I went out with a lovely Italian girl and suddenly she asked me if I am jealous. She wasn’t pleased with my negative answer so I explained it to her and then I think she was happy with what I said. But it made me think about jealousy.
There are two main sentences which jealous and possessive people use to compromise their behaviour.
»The fact I am jealous means only that I love you and I care for you.«
»You are my world. What would I do without you?«
Especially the second one is very manipulative. It is used by people that have a high level of uncertainty which is expressed by jealousy. It is used by people who don’t believe in themselves because this is how they shift their focus on us. Now we become the ones who are desired and needed and because we all love these feelings we are trapped! Instead of realising that in a healthy relationship there is no room for jealousy, once in a sudden we feel appreciated, loved, needed and special. This can make such strong positive emotions towards a jealous person because we feel like we are the only ones in the world they love. Therefore we really need to develop a strong love for ourselves and believe in us so we will be able to walk away and don’t fall into the trap. All these pathological patterns that live in minds of jealous people are so toxic that they can destroy your personality.
The only thing you need to know when you live with a jealous person is:
»Jealous people don’t care about you!«
Just trust me on this. I managed to escape a few of these traps in my life. I felt like I am the only one for them but as soon as they found another partner and didn’t feel lonely anymore they showed me how unimportant I was. They showed me how they don’t care about my feelings and how they despise my emotions.
The only thing jealous people care about are themselves! Of course they care about keeping the relationship alive but that has nothing to do with you. They care about the relationship so much because they don’t believe they will find a better one or they don’t think they deserve a better one, so they manically try to keep the relationship as it gives them a feeling of safety. It doesn’t matter how bad the relationship is it always gives you a feeling of belonging to someone. It makes you feel important especially if you don’t know who you actually are. Jealous people try to find each little hidden secret in you so they would be able to blame you for not being sincere whereas they are everything they don’t want you to be. From my experience most of the people don’t know who they are if they don’t see themselves through a relationship which is very sad. I think people just don’t know how to live with themselves anymore.
If jealous people would actually care about their partners they would wish them the best life possible. A person who really cares about us and really loves us will want only the best for us and if they realise they can’t give us what we want, they will leave us to go our own way. Of course this kind of a loving person wouldn’t celebrate the divorce but at least deep in their heart they would be happy for us.
The second thing about jealous people is that they never think critically about themselves. They never look at their actions and judge them. Of course this doesn’t mean they don’t criticise everything else. The contrary… They are grand masters in criticising the world around them. Especially they love to criticize people that endanger their perfect picture of life. The fact these people don’t like to think critically about themselves means they don’t want to put their values under revision. They don’t want to learn about life and in fact they end up seeing life very one-dimensional. They see life just how they want to see it which is very childish. This means they will avoid everything that is against their believes, they will avoid everything that makes them question their perceptions. Always when someone hurts them, they perceive this person as a »filthy pig« not even thinking about their responsibility for the situation.
I find it horrible when people get a chance to improve their lives but instead of that they start breading hatred and viciousness towards the person that gave them the chance.
Therefore I would love to see you improving. Take each moment to be better and plant love in your heart. Tell people how much you like them and why. Start doing things with passion for yourself and not to be appreciated by others. Start loving yourself and the world will love you.