A few years ago I fell in love with a lovely young girl. It all started through Facebook actually when I declared her my first and only Facebook girlfriend. One day I posted a photo of a half naked woman with a hilarious quote wishing my male friends a Merry Christmas. You won’t believe how angry it made her, what kind of stories she imagined in her head and how vicious she became just because of one funny post. She already wanted to be in each aspect of my life and now she also wanted to be in my Facebook. Maybe I am a magnet for psycho chicks, maybe I have a ridiculously high need for personal space, but this girl started breathing my air. Then she also “befriended” a few girls I slept with and two of my ex-girlfriends. How the hell did she know who they are anyway!?
After a month I wrote a post how girls shouldn’t give their boyfriends sissy nicknames because we like to feel as macho men rather than teddy bears. We were having a dinner when once in a sudden she started saying how cool I want to look in front of my friends by writing silly posts on Facebook. That was it! She crossed the line! I had enough of her fantasies and blocked her from my profile straight away.
This was a serious problem as she started questioning my love! She managed to convince me to unblock her and put us in a relationship status, but then a new problem arose because I wasn’t posting our selfies with words like “I love you”. Even though there were pictures of us doing fun stuff and quotes like “She makes me smile”, it wasn’t enough. Millions of problems with a girl who never in our two year relationship said the words “I love you”!? And then she wondered why I left…
We are all nosey, we like to browse through our partner’s past in order to feel more secure. I admit, I scrolled through her old photos also and a few times checked profiles of guys who commented on her wall. It is funny how in order to feel more secure, my mind created stories which invented hundreds of questions. I thought I will feel more secure whereas instead I felt the opposite, so I stopped doing it.
Be aware that checking Facebook profiles of our partners or our ex-partners causes irreversible pain because we are usually not prepared to accept what we see. Maybe it depends on a person, but for me pictures get stored in my head far more than words.
This is why I blocked my ex everywhere I could as I don’t want to see a photo of her new boyfriend in my shirt again. Not now, not in two years and not ever!
Human mind is a funny thing! It can imagine stories just by checking a few photos, stories that are far from the truth. It is impossible to recreate someone’s past or even life just by checking a few photos because there is so much data missing that we wouldn’t be able to process it in our lifetime. Yet still we make up stories!?
There is a great speech on TedX by Esther Perel where she explains what creates desire. She shows the difference between the need and desire and proves how mystery drives long term relationships full of passion.
We are most drawn to our partner when she is away, when he is doing something he is passionate about, when she has a world of her own.
We are most drawn to our partner when there is mystery and Facebook and Instagram just ruined it! Having our partner on Facebook exposes a big part of the world that before was hidden from us. We think we understand it whereas instead it is an invention of our mind.
This is the first reason why you shouldn’t have your partner on Facebook. The second reason is that love between two people shouldn’t be “proved” to anyone but themselves. Why for god’s sake would I want to prove my love to people I hardly know with a stupid picture on Facebook!? I have 1134 Facebook friends which help me promote my work, but my true friends can be count on my fingers. Why would people who almost never sipped coffee with me need to know how it looks like when I cook for my girlfriend!?
Intimacy is the key to a good relationship because it builds trust! It is called intimacy because it is an intimate bond between two people and not a whole freaking world! So how the hell do you think you are intimate in a relationship if people on Philippines know what you and your boyfriend had for breakfast!?