I am building my “car’s” motor. To know what a psychological car is take a look at this post. My motor must consist of four things. Second part of my motor is LOVE or BELONGING. First love I feel is love of myself. I am not in love with myself but I love my self so I am able to love others. I don’t have many problems loving myself because I know I am good hearted and this is all that matters. I am honest and I try to improve my personality each day. Sometimes I compare myself to others but only on the days when I lack self-esteem which happens quite often in London. Big cities just make you feel small and you see how much you need to improve your skills if you try to be among the best. But we are all unique. There are so many things that make us special, so don’t complicate. O.k. She is prettier, has bigger boobs and he makes far more money than you do, but you are honest and they are not and you are not afraid to be vulnerable and they are not. So you see? You are unique!
Second love you need is love in an intimate relationship. We all crave to be loved by someone that we love. Now this is not that easy to find. I realized that the more I devote myself to psychology, the fewer women I like. I actually started to have trouble talking to girls who are too shallow and I just can’t find a girl I would like to date. Not that I would be so picky, but there is so much fakeness in people that I just don’t want to start a relationship.
Third kind of love is love for everything. We can love what we do, how we do it, we can love people, cats, flowers… We can love whatever we want. There are so many shapes of love and we mostly think about a relationship. This love I have. I love so many things that I can bear without intimacy for a bit longer.
Then it is belonging. We would always like to be accepted among peers, colleagues at work, our supervisors… But we cannot make everyone love us. Therefore we need to be the best versions of ourselves and what others think of us is their problem. Just don’t get obsessed with it. I know too many people that cannot stand being alone in this world or have big problems when someone doesn’t like them. How the hell do you think you will be loved if you don’t love yourself!? I knoooowww… It is hard. There are quite a few people in this world that I would like to look in the eyes and say “F*** OFF” but I just don’t care. Life is not always fair and there is nothing you can do about it. It is always your choice. Blame others for your misery and you will stay miserable.
The main problem is when people want to be needed. Not loved, but needed. I am not talking about desire, I am talking about need. You don’t need anyone in your life because if you do, you will die miserable. You should be the love itself and people that are touched by you should be just extensions of your sunshine. In the end everyone realizes that they are alone in this world and at the same time they are not, because we are all one.
Today I am thankful for:
Having fun at work in the morning because I have a few seriously hilarious collegues.
Having lunch in a restaurant with Malek and Amelie instead of eating in a cantine.
Starting to take over my managerial role because I am totally capable of doing it.
Having my friend Martin from Slovenia over for Easter which will make me feel like home.
Being able to get a lovely model for my Youtube channel.