Today I watched a video of Brene Brown giving a speech on vulnerability on TEDx. She said that vulnerability opens doors to experiencing love in full aspects and living your life happily as never before. Now let me share with you my experience. First I will connect vulnerability to two love relationships I had. As everyone in this world I have a lot of insecurities and fears hidden inside of me. I also think love is about sharing these emotions with your partner, in fact, I think this is the only way one can love truly and deeply. But the problem is that I gave both girls my heart and shared with them my deepest fears. I opened like a flower, but they never did the same. So I left! I couldn’t stand a relationship where a girl was blaming me for not being honest whereas she never shared her fears with me. I call this effect projections and mirrors. They were both locked inside of their comfortable bubble and were blaming me for blocking their emotions and happiness with my “windy” personality. What a crazy idea is that? No one in this world can block you with its personality. It is always you and you only who can block or unblock yourself. I am a person that needs a lot of space so I can’t stand pathological jealousy caused by the girl’s insecurity. They were both incapable of loving deeply because they were too scared of being hurt. Everything would be fine if the relationship would just be over, but the problem was that they both took advantage of my open heart in order to hurt me. They both knew where I am vulnerable and took an emotional advantage of me. I don’t think they actually know they did it because they were both incapable of deep emotions, but they did! Of course I would never marry this kind of a girl and of course I know what kind of a girl I would love to have in my life, but I had them and the fact that it hurts so bad is that there were certain aspects of the relationship that were incredible. I know, everyone has been through tough relationships, but the fact is that they would never hurt so badly if people wouldn’t be afraid.
Just remember that if you are ending a relationship with a jealous partner who you actually love, it might be a good idea for you to find another person before you leave, because otherwise you will be licking your wounds for a long time. You think he really loved you? Beeeeepppp!!!! Wroooonnnggg!!!! If he was pathologically jealous he didn’t care about you and he never will! He only cared about himself. You really think it is your responsibility for him being jealous!? Get a life!!! Do you think it isn’t ethical to find another person while you are in a relationship because you would prove that the jealous partner was right? Then why everyone does it? You know why? Because people are not capable of living their lives on their own. They are too freaking scared! So you should congratulate yourself if you are that “ethical”.
But let us get back to vulnerability in a relationship. My main discovery is that love hurts only if one person opens its heart and another one doesn’t. It hurts only if you share your deepest fears with a partner and he or she doesn’t. It of course hurts also the person that was in a relationship with one leg, but the problem is that you were in it with your body, your soul and even your grandmother’s cat, so you are the one soaking in pain, whereas your ex is already “blooming” with another person blaming you for being a horrible partner that blocked her on every step. Strange, right? Because just three weeks ago you were the only one in this world who she loved and she told you if you leave she will never be able to love as much again. Therefore my advice to you is that you need to escape from a relationship as soon as you truly open your heart and your partner doesn’t. You can try it one more time but if they start blaming you for blocking them, you should run as fast as you can. I know, you are good hearted and you try to help because you understand your partner, but sometimes you should be just a bit more selfish. Do you truly love yourself? Then don’t try to help someone that doesn’t need your help. So the main point is that vulnerability can hurt as hell!
What to do now? Should we all be vulnerable because this is a person’s true power, because this is how you can be truly happy? I don’t think so! I think you should have a switch for vulnerability, a switch that you would turn on when needed and turn off when not. But the problem is that you can’t estimate the right moment because you don’t have enough information. So let’s say that in order to experience true love one needs to be vulnerable.
Now I will connect vulnerability to all the men. I think even in this world it is o.k. and it is acceptable for a woman to be vulnerable, but it is highly forbidden for a man to be. We are the hunters, we are the strong pillars and we are the ones that shouldn’t cry. Vulnerability makes you emotional and if you are too emotional you are soon proclaimed as gay. I can’t believe I twice actually heard I might be gay! Hallooo!? I don’t have anything against gay population but to be honest, I absolutely adore women! I am also a makeup artist. So what? I love it!!! Am I gay? No! I cried a few times! Am I gay? No! The funny thing is that we men shouldn’t be sissies and here lies the problem. Under no circumstances you are able to be vulnerable and strong at the same time because if you are hurt by your vulnerability, you need time to process your emotions exposing yourself to be even more vulnerable. It is far easier to live your life if you are keeping an emotional distance and you don’t give a f*** than it is to live your life open hearted for everyone to slice it into pieces. Of course you can’t experience love in full aspects but in the world we live in it is far easier for a man to be tough and cool than it is for him to be vulnerable. I was cool, I was tough, nothing could crash me and I actually felt very happy and successful, but then I opened my heart and start feeling love in everything I do, I see, I smell, I hear and I feel… And guess what? I broke down because I wasn’t tough enough! A funny paradox it is and I haven’t formed my thoughts the way I would really want, but for the beginning of my thinking this will be a good start. For now I just think that it is great to be vulnerable, but I need to find a way to pull myself together if I am hurt and I need to do it fast. Or maybe it isn’t o.k. to be vulnerable because we live in a world that doesn’t allow us to. Who knows? I need to go to bed!