Do you know the feeling when you are stuck in your life? When you are afraid of your future and you think a whole world turned against you? When I was studying in Rome I started to think that people don’t like me, I felt like an unwelcomed immigrant in a foreign country and I thought I will never be able to get used to my new lifestyle and surpass the loneliness I felt because I needed to re-socialize. You won’t believe, totally the same happened to me in London but this time even more intense. It must have been the weather though.
I was so crashed because of all the problems I had in my life that I just couldn’t manage to keep a clear head and positive energy. It is so funny how things start to go wrong when you can’t put a sincere smile on your face. You think you have the worst day ever but then once in a sudden you realize it just got worse. And this happens constantly!!! I made an experiment and call it whatever you like, this is what happened. Whenever my manager needed to decide who will stay working late or do something we were tossing a coin. We did it at least ten times and I always lost. Maybe you call it statistics but I call it energy! You know why? Because now that I started feeling better and I got my positive attitude back, my life looks like a hot knife sliding through the butter. Well, not a hot one, more warm. But it is getting hotter and hotter. I started seeing life with far more joy and happiness so I attract interesting people to build my social circle and for the final smile on my face they offered me an amazing promotion where I work. It will be really tough but it is like a dream come true because if I’ll be working hard for two years more, I will have a job I always wanted.
Therefore I was thinking how can one have this positive attitude even though things go wrong and I realised you can’t. Life needs to hit you hard years after years and you need to struggle as much as possible so you actually become immune to these things. The older you get the faster these moments of being on the floor last because you can stand up easier. You get muscles to stand up and you don’t need anyone to help you because you don’t need clutches to walk.
Most of the people I meet in London can’t stand it, because a lot of them are here just waiting for crises in their countries to pass, so they will be able to return home to people they love and things they know. Most of us are having jobs that don’t yet satisfy our souls and each day we spend two hours or more just for commuting. But I don’t know if I want to return. I think I can’t be as successful in my country as I can be somewhere else because it is just too small and I really want to do things I adore! I love safety, I love my family, my friends, mountains and lakes I know, but there is something mysterious on the other side. There are mystical things and relationships I want to explore. Sometimes the world feels so big and sometimes it looks very small. You feel connected through social media but on the other hand you feel lonely because you don’t have people you love on the reach of your hand. So what to do now? Is it possible to get used to living on your own or are we made to have steadiness in our lives? Can you feel happy even though your home is far away? I actually don’t know but I think I need time to figure it out. For now I will just go with the flow and see what happens.