I don’t remember how old I was when I was sitting on my sister’s pink bicycle with my father holding the seat so I didn’t fall. I pedalled down the closed road and once in a sudden I realised I am riding alone with my father somewhere in the distance. It was a moment of joy, a moment of victory when I stopped, looked back and saw how proud my father was.
Since then I was dreaming about my own bicycle. I wanted it so bad and I was begging my father to buy it each day. Once he called me into the living room and offered me a seat. He said it is time to have a talk, man to man. I was a bit confused because I didn’t know what to expect. He said he decided I am old enough to have my own bicycle. I was in seventh heaven! But in order to have a bicycle I needed to promise him I will be cleaning the bathroom each weekend. For me it made total sense but for my father it was a great deal because to buy that bicycle he needed to work just a few hours whereas it took me far more hours to clean the bathroom from that day on.
We went into a shop and he said pick which ever you like. I was so happy that I almost cried. I saw a perfect one, a silver BMX with blue handles and blue seat. It was shining like it was sent from heaven and it was calling my name. I was so happy that I rang all of my friends and told them I have a new bicycle so we will be finally able to ride together even though we later didn’t do it much because my mind had a way of its own.
My bicycle and I were best friends. I don’t know what my parents were thinking when they said I can go out after I did my homework and that I need to be back when the lights go off. They probably thought I will be driving around the neighbourhood which they actually told me to. But for me it meant that I was finally free. I could go wherever I wanted. A little kid with a BMX staying in the neighbourhood!? Are you out of your mind!? I was everywhere!!! I drove to the river, in the city centre in the woods, everywhere!!! There wasn’t a spot I wouldn’t explore with my bicycle.
And this made me think how many people didn’t live their youth, how many people I know that were and still are too afraid of exploring life. For most of the friends I have life looked like a commitment to safety. To always have a girlfriend and have a normal life, to always be bound to safe life where you know what you are going to do tomorrow. To feel safe in the arms of things and people you know.
For me life is different. I always pushed myself in situations where I would be alone because it gave me the opportunity to explore secrets of this world. I love an idea to be married and to have children but it needs to be with a person that will be in many ways like me. I need to be with a person that needs its own space and I need to be with a person that understands my desire for freedom. I think this is what life is all about, going out of your comfort zone so you can see everything from another perspective.
It is interesting when you go to live in a foreign country without knowing anyone, where you need to re-socialize so you can be sociable. This develops empathy and understanding of social dynamics. It makes your heart opened for variety and it makes you appreciate life. It makes you feel love for everything and it makes you respect all human beings. The funny part is when after two years you return back in your country and you see how things haven’t changed a bit and how your friends all stayed the same. It makes you confused because you see how you have something in your hart that just a few people you know understand. Some of them understand it but they are too afraid to try it and just really few of them understand it because they’ve been there and they know how it feels.
In the end you will realize that you are alone in this world. No matter how many true friends you have, one day you will realize that you are alone in managing your life so as soon as you realize it, the better you will be in accepting that you are getting old and your life will once be over. I don’t understand why so many people are living for their image whereas they should be living to spread love and empathy. But I think you can’t learn empathy and love if you live in your own bubble afraid of what is going to happen if you leave everything you know.
I can’t believe the world is actually living to have, living to have sexy bodies, nice cars, amazing clothes and big houses. I don’t understand why people want to be so cool on the outside. It is funny how easy it is to get a girl when you are playing it cool like the guys from the book The Game and how hard it is to get one if you show empathy and love for life and everything around it. Then you realize how bad everything is when you notice that it is easier to make »friends« and get a »girlfriend« when you are playing it cool than it is to be gentle and sweet. I have seen it through my father’s eyes. He is one of the most generous and honest men on the planet but when the politics changed and he lost power, he saw how many people liked him just because of his image.
I played it cool quite a few times because I found it an interesting game but in the end I discovered that it just started to eat my soul. Now I never do it for the image and I never do it to look cool. I always do it because my heart sais so.
I told you how afraid people are to discover life, the same fear closes them in their own world and hides their true feelings in order to look cool and not to be hurt. It is so said that people need to feel appreciated by others in order to be happy. Why can’t they appreciate themselves and not give a damn what others think of them? Why do guys need to be all masculine and hard core and girls need to wear miniskirts and show their half naked asses in order to be admired by the public?
I think it is because people didn’t have a chance to ride their own bicycle or they had it but didn’t have the guts to explore what lies on the other side. I say go, don’t care what others think! Grab the chance and start living your life. Don’t be bound to what gives you safety because things that give it to you don’t last. The only safety in your life is you and you only. No one else will give you the feeling of being good enough than yourself.
Ride your own rollercoaster and if there are people that want to slow it down, kick them off because even though you are empathetic, you still need to be somewhere on time.