I think it will be really fun when I will be reading my posts after ten years. I am positive I will disagree with lots of ideas that determine my mindset now because I will have new experiences and new knowledge.
I know I was writing about two kinds of happiness but today I think there are three types, emotional happiness, moral happiness and judgemental happiness. In this post I will be writing about emotional happiness which is all about feeling happy.
It struck me as a lightening yesterday because I realized that all of my life I advised people how they should make their lives better. I always thought that what makes me happy will also make other people happy. I can’t believe how wrong I was. I have experienced so many things in my life that if I die tomorrow I think I will be able to say I was happy. But what about people that have experienced far more than I did. Is it possible that some people can say I actually don’t know what happiness is because I haven’t experienced this and that?
Of course they can because each person has its own scale of happiness based on its own experience so what for me is a perfect ten for some other person could be an eight or a four. When our parents, partners or friends push us to do something because they think it will make us happy and successful in the end they might push us in the wrong direction. If reading books makes me happy it doesn’t mean other people feel the same. My logical thinking is that the more you know about life and psychology the more you can experience happiness but it is not true. I know people that are working on assembly lines and they are happier than half of the world if I am allowed to judge happiness from my own eyes.
Maybe the less you know the happier you can be or vice versa but who am I to judge that? I love the sunset but if someone has seen more beautiful sunsets than I had and we are both staring at the same one I could be amazed whereas he could be board.
So this is how we perceive happiness differently. Everyone has the right to be happy based on its own experience and we shouldn’t be the ones that judge lives of others. It is experience and perceptions that make us compatible or incompatible with others.
I know I was happy with my first girlfriend. I loved her so much and I can remember things we did and moments we shared but I cannot recall what made me so happy with her. I think this is because happiness for me now is something totally different than it was ten years ago. Ten years ago I was happy just if I had great sex whereas now this doesn’t play the main role. Now I am happier if aside of great sex I can also have a partner that is ambitious, playful, easy going and the list goes on and on.
The more experience people have in their lives the hardest it will be to find a life time companion because there are more and more things that are important to us and of course there are not as many people that would share same experiences. Also if we have same experiences we can perceive them totally different. This is why when we were teenagers we didn’t care much more than to be in bed with a sexy person whereas when older we need so much more.
So this is actually a paradox. The more we know, the more we experience the higher the expectations. Therefore if we had a better job as we have now, we can feel unhappy because we know how good it feels having a great job.
This is why I was thinking what to do. I am used to being happy because of certain things I had in my life. Now I don’t have them any more therefore I feel worse than before.
But thank god I came up with a conclusion that saved me. I realised I don’t live the moment. There were so many things I needed in my life in order to be satisfied and happy. I needed a girlfriend, friends, lovely apartment, relaxed life etc. I needed, I needed and I needed because I know how good it feels when you have it. I started to freak out about my future because it is uncertain. I don’t know where I am going and where I will be. This is why I felt like my life crashed.
But now I see how wrong I was. So many problems in my life with no reason just because of the experience I had. This doesn’t mean I don’t do things for a bright future, it just means I stopped worrying.
Now I live the moment. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but today I know where I am and I have so many possibilities.
There are so many things I want to see, things I want to do, things I want to experience. Till now I was always thinking about the future. I remember how concerned I was about my life, my relationship… Everything needed to be in order and I needed to know what will happen and when.
Now I just don’t give a damn. This doesn’t mean I am damaging my life it just means I let it go. The only thing I know is that my future will be bright because I live the moment with love. I adore being in this world! I adore my past and what I have learned from it and I am not concerned about my future anymore because there is nothing that can crash my life. Then I was thinking what if I get sick or lose my legs but I stopped worrying because at the moment everything is o.k.
As long as I live my life with my heart and head there is no reason to worry. I’ll just go with the flow and see what happens. I will never criticize people again and expect them to do what I think is good for them because I have my own life to live and not others. I won’t intentionally spend time with people that aren’t compatible with me because I don’t have time to be board. I just won’t expect things to happen because till now my life always found a way and there is no reason why I wouldn’t sail in the right direction.
I will just let my compass guide me and see what happens because there is nothing better than to be spontaneous and not to worry about tomorrow so you can feel as a teenager again.
Just one thing though. Don’t poison your mind and your body because it is hard for a damaged ship to sail.
Ships spread sails to catch the wind but people sail on love!!!