I know I live away with the fairies! I didn’t realize it when I was younger, but now I do. I notice it because lots of people call me crazy. Even though they say in a positive way for me it just means that I am different. I see how hard it is for many people to understand me when I am just being myself not thinking how the environment will react. There is a whole world inside of me that is just mine. I don’t let many people in because they wouldn’t get it.
Last time I met a girl that solved my mystery. I always thought I need to adapt to people’s behaviour. I started to be couscous about what people think of me. I started feeling lonely in the world full of people because I thought I need to change. This means that if I feel like dancing in the middle of an empty club and no one else wants to do it I shouldn’t be sitting in the corner. I also shouldn’t expect other people to change and go dancing too. Therefore this girl helped me understand that there are plenty people that think like me and share similar passions like me, it is just me who is not meeting them because I want to be “normal”. She said I try to fit a boring world whereas I should focus on a whole new dimension which is far more fun.
Since then I totally shifted my mentality. It didn’t happen many times that a person would let me explore their wonderland and show me where their creativity comes from after just a few times we’ve met. Not because of them, but because I wasn’t prepared to be as opened also. It is funny how creativity arrives from two parts of a person. One part is full of love and happiness and the other part is dark and full of fears we keep inside. I just adore it when you meet a person and you feel like you know each other for ages because you both share these two parts with each other. I love it when people openly talk about their fears because it shows how fearless they are in living their life. I know most of the time I think too much emotionally, but this is who I am. This is what on the long run makes me happy.
Now I understand why so many people think I am cute instead of tough. I knew I can feel people and their hearts and I should always follow my instinct but I never thought how easy this actually is. Now I can read people from the distance. I feel their energy, I feel their fears and I feel how good hearted they are. Now it is me who is playing the game. I lead the story of my life. I choose who I want to share my thoughts with, what I want to do and where I want to be. I love it! Now I know what loneliness did to me.
Especially I learned my lesson when I went to live in Rome for a year. I didn’t know the language and I didn’t have any friend with me. It made me feel! It made me understand how people function and it made me understand how to be satisfied with myself. After all I was spending most of the time with myself so I should love and understand myself best. I still feel quite lonely because there are not many people that would match my personality but the ones that do will stay in my heart forever. I am thankful to Layla for showing me what is Laylaland and I am thankful to everyone who became a part of my heart.